So I've begun again.
So the other day was MIT reg day service...where the fellowships on the MIT campus get together and have a time of praise and worship together. I was playing in the worship team.
I never understood why, but I found that always I would become very melancholy after sets were over. Even if everything was great, like yesterday, I would find myself in want of something more.... I didn't know why.
Two fold explanation here:
For the first, I can only use a metaphor. I am reminded of when some draws so near to you that you can feel it, and are aware of their presence, but you are not touching them. I feel like sometimes God draws so near.... so near that you can almost touch Him. He is so close, yet this life separates us from Him so that we will never touch Him in this life. His presence can be so powerful... yet He never touches us. And I think that makes me sad. Sort of a painful longing.... like that which a lover might experience when the beloved draws very close for a kiss and then leaves the room.
The second explanation is that in some part I have trouble still accepting that God takes ALL things and makes them for the good of those who love Him. I do not trust in that way yet. I cannot look unfulfilled desires and emotions in the face and say.... "God has made those things into beautiful, good things."
On to homework.
